Cohousing Benefits: Connection, Savings & Sustainability (w/ Trish Becker)

Join us in the fascinating world of cohousing with the final guest speaker in this Season 4, featuring Trish Becker, Executive Director of the Cohousing Association of the United States.

Cohousing is all about shared time, shared space, and shared commitment. Tune in as Trish guides us through the spirit of mutual support and genuine bonds that define cohousing. This isn't a cult or commune, but an intentional community where individuals own their homes and make decisions together. Trish also brings valuable insights that can be applied to traditional neighborhoods, emphasizing the joy of knowing your neighbors and fostering connections that truly make a difference.

Join us to explore the rewarding journey of connection, cost-savings, and sustainability that cohousing offers – a testament to the power of living in harmony with neighbors and the environment!

About Trish:
"Trish is a founding member of Aria Cohousing and Chase Street Commons, a micro-village built upon the principles of cohousing. She is a Tedx speaker and a passionate advocate for housing solutions that address our collective crises of loneliness, environmental degradation and housing inaccessibility. Above all, she believes that humans need one another for meaning and survival, and that collective housing is poised to be among the signature movements of our time."

Contact Info for Trish / Cohousing Association of the US:

• Cohousing Website
• Community Directory
• The Commons (10th of every month @ 10am MT)
• Conference in Denver, Aug 2024!
• Trish's TEDx Talk

Additional Resources:

• Enneagram

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Transcript

Katie Kurpanek: 0:06

You're listening to all things sustainable, where we unpack topics related to sustainable living, as well as how to apply specific actions to your own life. I'm your eco living coach and podcast host Katie Kurpanek. Let's jump in. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the All Things sustainable podcast. We are in the midst of season four focused on eco minded parenting and caretaking. And today is actually the last episode that we have with a guest speaker in this series. The next episode coming out will be my own personal wrap up with some of my experiences as a mama trying to navigate this whole world of parenting and continuing to live a life aligned with our families sustainable values, but today, I am so excited to bring Trish Becker to the show. Trish is the executive director of the cohousing Association of the United States. She has over a decade of experience working in nonprofit and higher education, a social worker, she's focused on community engagement, and she believes above all that humans need one another for meaning and survival, and that collective housing or cohousing is going to be one of the signature movements of our time that it is a collective response to loneliness, environmental degradation, and housing inaccessibility. Personally I did not know much at all about cohousing before getting to talk with Trish and I am so excited that I did. She just opened my mind to a whole new way of living a way that is better for the planet for our budget and for our own social emotional and physical health. In this episode Trish breaks down what is cohousing? Exactly kind of like a cohousing 101. She shares what it looks like she dispels common myths or misconceptions about what cohousing actually is not. And then she talks about the typical age demographic that you will find cost saving benefits sustainable practices within cohousing benefits for young families and also how to bring so many of these principles into your own traditional neighborhood if you are not able to take part in something like cohousing, much like myself. In this series so far, we have been focused on so many elements of living sustainably, as a family as a caretaker, and it's very individual focused so far, you know, we have talked in this series about birth, you know, Hypno birthing, we've talked about sustainable breastfeeding journeys and sustainable meal planning and prep for your family. We've talked about general non toxic living, crunchy living. But this episode I think is a beautiful way to round out our series with guest speakers because Trish really brings us back to a focus of community. Yes, this community definitely brings so many benefits to your own sense of self. But navigating life in community with each other is how we were designed to interact within nature. We're all interconnected. And so I will stop talking here because this is just a beautiful episode. I'm very excited for you all to hear what Trish has to share. One quick plug for Patreon real quick. If you have not heard, Patreon is a great way to support this show. But you also get so many perks for being a patron as a thank you for your support. And one of those perks is a digital booklet of very unique exclusive discount codes to more than 25 sustainable businesses. You can shop online you can shop in person if you're local. These discount codes are updated every three months. And I continue to add new partners to the community all the time, and the most recent round of discount codes was just sent out to the community on September 1. So if you would like to get your hands on some incredible discounts and save some money while you're saving the Earth with your shopping, then you can go ahead and click the link in the episode description. The patreon link is patreon.com/all Things sustainable, you can join for as low as $3 a month and you will be supporting the show and also benefiting from perks like the discount booklet and so much more. Okay with that let's go ahead and dive into today's episode. Trish thank you so much for being here. I am really excited to talk to you today about cohousing.

Trish Becker: 4:28

I am so excited to be here. Thanks so much, Katie

Katie Kurpanek: 4:28

of course! So in this season, we have a whole variety of guest speakers talking about eco minded parenting and caretaking and your perspective that you bring to the table is so unique. It's something that I at least in my own circles, haven't heard a lot of people talking about. And so you are the executive director of the cohousing Association of the United States, which is huge and the whole idea cohousing communities has been very new to me. And so I'm excited to like, get this information out there. But before we even dive in, I would love if you could just tell our listeners a little bit about yourself and beloved people in your life and you know what you're passionate about?

Trish Becker: 5:15

Yeah. Well, hello, everyone. My name is Trish Becker, I use she her pronouns, and, yeah, I'm the executive director of the cohousing association of the US. My background is in social work. And so I feel like that actually is a really important piece. Because I view the world through a social work lens, the systems that we all operate within. So that kind of infuses my passion for community and I think is a really important part of my journey. Let's see, I am a mom. So I'm a mother to five year old Cadence who just lost her first tooth a couple of days ago, so it feels like growing up while she lost her first and her second tooth, her second one, she did the whole Nerf gun tie to a piece of floss to yank it out herself. So it's been an exciting week. So I I love being a mom. And I feel like that's probably my my primary role. And beyond that I am passionate about really all things human connection. So I love facilitating groups. And I do that professionally and work as a coach as well. I love designing gatherings that bring people together around a shared purpose and then really any way that I could foster community, whether it's helping cohousing communities, get off the ground or thrive or helping people think through how they can build a stronger sense of community in their traditional neighborhoods. That is all the stuff that makes me feel really alive, just helping people to feel more connected in their own lives.

Katie Kurpanek: 7:00

So I love that so much. I wonder this is such a tangent. But yeah, and I think listeners are probably if they've been listening for a while, they might laugh because I somehow find a way to weave this into, like so many conversations. But have you heard of the Enneagram?

Trish Becker: 7:15

Yes, I'm a nine. A lot of seven.

Katie Kurpanek: 7:20

I was wondering because it just I love that tool. So much. It has been I mean, there's a lot of like, you know, personality sort of assessors and everything out there. But the Enneagram itself is the it's such an you know, it's an ancient tool, first of all, and it's also the one that I found to be the most like dead accurate every single time. But it's always interesting talking to people and hearing what they're passionate about. And then my mind is like, Oh, I wonder what type they are.

Trish Becker: 7:47

Totally, what type are you?

Katie Kurpanek: 7:49

I'm a two

Trish Becker: 7:50

Okay,

Katie Kurpanek: 7:51

yeah, I've heard like twos and nines actually get mixed up a lot. Because both, you know, both typically love to help people and to be around people. And you know, relationships are like everything. So, but then there's a lot of, you know, distinctive differences between the two as well.

Trish Becker: 8:08

Yeah, I love that you weave that in, because that's something I get teased for too is everything comes back to the Enneagram. Or like, all right, Trish, this is not just because you're a nine. And my personal relationships, I didn't do the dishes because I'm a nine.

Katie Kurpanek: 8:24

I love that so much. I might even just throw a link to the Enneagram Institute in the show notes. So anyone who wants to know more? Oh my gosh, but that was such a tangent. Thank you for indulging me.

Trish Becker: 8:37

Thank you. I'm always happy to go into Enneagram territory.

Katie Kurpanek: 8:41

I love that. I am so excited to hear more about cohousing in general. Like I said before, this is a very new subject to me and but really the more I've heard about it, and the more I've learned from you, and I watched your you know TEDx talk. And I'll also have that linked in the show notes. But to me, it's like this is so new, but it also it just makes perfect sense. It feels like this is the way that not only do cultures around the world still live this way, like they have continuously been living this way. But it's also the way that you know, we all used to live and our modern Western society has typically gotten away from that. So, um, kind of with sustainable practices, I've found that a lot of it is really just going back to what we used to do, or going going toward things that other cultures around the world are still doing, and it's just inherently better for the earth and better for communities and feel like cohousing definitely falls into that. So, I would love if you could just start with maybe giving us a general cohousing 101. Like what does that even mean? What does that typically look like? And you know, whatever you want to share?

Trish Becker: 9:52

Yeah, totally. I love what you said about going back to the way that it's been done because you know cohousing and as a very specific model, which I'll define started between 30 and 40 years ago with these two architects that traveled to Denmark and then brought the model here and living in support of one another as something that has always been done and really has been this like way of life has really been intentionally dissolved by capitalism and the patriarchy and white supremacy, right and and it is just a natural way of living and so that really is the spirit of cohousing. So, um, cohousing is just it's an intentionally designed neighborhood. So if you were to look at one it would look like a little village typically. So the design pushes cars to the periphery and then the so that the design can facilitate more interaction. So if you looked at it, you would see like, parking lots on the outside instead of garages in front of the house, you would see lots of green space and walking paths connecting front porches, really to like foster those organic interactions between one another so that's what it would look like. It is in cohousing. There are private homes, so they can either be single family homes, townhomes condos, but it's a private home, it's a regular sized home, you have your own kitchen bathrooms. Traditionally, they might be smaller, slightly smaller than your average square footage. And that's because in addition to your private home, you have a lot of common space. So most cohousing communities have a common house or a large common room where it's a gathering space. There's often industrial kitchens, dining rooms where people can gather, there's almost always a guest room or a guest suite so that individual homes don't have to have that room sitting empty. And instead everyone can kind of share the guest suite when people are in town, they can check it out. And then a lot of that, like large storage is shared as well. So like a bike storage area, shared garages, just one lawnmower power tool giant walk that kind of thing, so that each individual doesn't need so much space for themselves, they can share instead. And so I usually describe cohousing as shared time shared space and shared commitment. So shared time comes from this causing communities usually have regular gatherings. So regular community meetings for the residents to make decisions about what affects the community. And then shared meals we call that the secret sauce of community. So most communities have sort of a rotating meal plan where you take turns on a cooking team. So for example, in aria cohousing, which is the community that I was a founding member of. I sat on a cooking team. So I actually cooked once every two to three months. But every Sunday we had a meal that I just got to show up to and as a mom of a very young child that was everything to me. And so we call it the secret sauce because that's the time where people gather and they get to know each other and they have these organic interactions over shared meals. So communities some have shared meals every night, some have a couple of nights a week. Some do it less frequently, every community is different, but shared meals are generally a part of cohousing. And then the other piece of shared time is like the birthday parties and the baby showers and the happy hours and just all of the fun part of community so that's a critical part of cohousing. And then shared space is what I mentioned. You have your individual homes, but then common spaces that could be community gardens. It could be courtyards, libraries, some cohousing communities have hot tubs, patios, just these like really beautiful spaces that are designed for people to gather. And then the third piece, arguably the most important is the shared commitment. So a lot of people ask, Well, what makes this different than just a neighborhood with an HOA and a clubhouse, and it's really that intention, so people who join cohousing communities are entering it knowing that they are going to be expected to know their neighbors, they're going to be expected to give some of their time and labor towards the betterment of the community and that they're really going to be there for each other. They're going to be involved in these mutually supportive relationships that when you know My neighbor needs a ride to the airport and I'm free. I'm going to be happy to do that and And it's a joy because they, you know, brought me dinner last night when I didn't have time to cook after work. So it's just sort of that like intention to be in a deeper level of neighborly relationship with one another. So that's a lot, but that's basically cohousing. Like, what it looks like and then what it feels like when you're there.

Katie Kurpanek: 15:21

Okay. Yeah, I'm glad you expanded on each of those pieces, and especially the intentionality because like you were describing the way it looks, I was thinking about, you know, like, like, even townhomes and places that are you know, they're kind of parallel to each other and they're facing each other parking is on the sidelines. I'm like, Well, this seems like a very similar community. It's very tightly knit. But then, like you said, the intentionality like you could easily live, you know, anywhere and not get to know your neighbors at all right, if you want. And, yeah, and so this is very different. Which kind of leads me to my next question, which is, you know, if you could share maybe some of the common myths that you've run into or just misconceptions about cohousing and clarify them, because the first one that comes to my mind that I'm sure, you know, maybe it's not the case for everybody is like, Okay, I think this sounds amazing as a mostly extroverted person, you know, type two Enneagram. But I think this sounds like an introverts nightmare. So is that, like, what, what are your thoughts on that? And also, any other, you know, myths or misconceptions?

Trish Becker: 16:31

Yeah, I'm glad you started with that one. That was the first thing that came to mind. And you said, What are common myths, everyone thinks that it's for extroverts, so yeah, so many conversations that I have involve someone saying, Oh, I would love this, but my partner is an introvert and they would just hate it. And actually, we've researched this and there are more introverts in cohousing and I myself am an introvert as well. And so I can speak to kind of why I think cohousing is actually great for introverts and that is because well key reasons, I think that it provides sort of a structure to engagement that I can choose to opt into or out of. So the one important piece to remember about cohousing is you have your private home, you're not sharing the kitchen if you want to, you know you don't have to think about running into your neighbors when you wake up and want to stumble into your kitchen with a for a cup of coffee. And you don't want to interact at that point. That's not happening, you have your private home. But you also know that if you're feeling social, you can probably walk out to the patio and find someone there who knows you who knows your story and who you can engage with in a real way. And you don't have to do the exhausting. Small talk like you are Yeah, someone who says oh, how was that presentation that you had the other day? Or hey, did you get my that recipe that I dropped on your doorstep last night. So it's this like beautiful, deeper level of interaction that you can choose to engage with or not. And I also think co housers have gotten really good as a result of living together at just communicating their needs and their boundaries. So one example is my daughter was born while we were living in cohousing. She was the first baby born in the community. So everyone was so excited to come meet her. And I'm an introvert. So we know that in times of like stress or transition, we actually become more of that right. So as I was like coming home from the hospital, I was really worried I was thinking I need some time to myself, I can not have neighbor like a parade of neighbors at all hours coming to see the baby I need to sleep when I can. So my daughter's name is cadence and we put a sign on the door that said cadence is office hours, please come by on like Tuesday to Thursday, Tuesday and Thursday, from two to four. And everyone respected it. And they came by at those times and held the baby. And so it was just this like ability to define my boundary for social interaction and know that it was completely respected. It wasn't taken as rude. It was just like a loving gesture and way to define that relationship. So so that is one myth. Another common myth is that we're a cult or a commune, you have a lot right when you're like, oh yeah, we live kind of together. And so people have all of these images of what we are that is in fact, not the case. So a little bit of vocabulary. intentional community is like an umbrella term that we use to define everything from commune like where everyone shares pools, their resources, and shares everything communes on one end of the spectrum. cohousing is actually on the other end of the spectrum Um, but still under the intentional community umbrella and so there's typically not sharing of financial resources in cohousing, you privately own your home. It's actually the governance structure of cohousing is usually just a traditional HOA so you pay into an HOA that maintains the community. And then that's each community kind of defines how they make decisions together. But it's a non hierarchical decision making process. So every person has a voice in community. If there were a leader of a community, that's what would make it a cult. Right. So there are no leaders of cohousing communities. It's it's a totally flat structure where every voice matters. And, of course, you can come and go, you can leave as you please. So that's just something that comes up a lot. I think. I just think anytime that you talk about something alternative to the mainstream, it's likely to be stigmatized, so it's very common that I spend time explaining that cohousing is not any of these things that actually, it's not weird at all that it's a very normal thing to want to just know the people that live next to you and have them looking out for you and want to share some time together. So those I think are two of the most common myths that I spend my time debunking.

Katie Kurpanek: 21:35

Yeah, no, I'm so glad you brought that one up, because I was thinking it too. But I was like, I don't want to say this one.

Trish Becker: 21:42

Totally. Yeah. No, it happens all the time. People say, Oh, it sounds a little culty. Or just, you know, is that the same thing as a commune? And that's a genuine, genuine question. And it's not.

Katie Kurpanek: 21:52

so, yeah. So interesting. And I mean, there's that phrase that it takes a village to raise a child, you know, and like, and for so many people who live with, you know, multi generational homes, or they just have family nearby, or they have friends that are like family, you know, it's it's similar in the sense that, like, we have our chosen communities that we want around us all the time. And this just happens to be like, an entire neighborhood that has opted into choosing to live with each other, you know, on a closer basis than just like, you know, yeah, so and so's my neighbor, I don't really know anything about them.

Trish Becker: 22:30

Yeah, totally. I think that that's another myth, too. People often say, you know, like, Well, so are you all best friends? Like, are you all really close? And no, it's, you know, it's a community of an average of 30. Some people communities vary in size, but let's say, you know, an average of 30 to 50 people. And within that group, there are people that I feel really close with, that I hang out with all the time outside of community meetings, there are the people that I see at community dinners, but don't spend time with outside. And then there are people who are personalities don't work. And we have conflict, we have disagreements, but the difference is that I am so much more willing to engage in dialogue or conflict with that person, because we have this shared commitment to one another because we're gonna see each other because that person took my trash out when I broke my ankle. So we're like, we have that baseline of just like love and concern for one another, that we can withstand conflict better than what you see in traditional neighborhoods, or if you want, like a next door app, and it's just this, you know, like, ability to shut off and to just say, you know, you made me mad, I'm, I'm angry, and I'm just not going to engage in any further dialogue. So that's what you get in like a traditional neighborhood setting. So you get kind of the spectrum of relationships. But yeah, those are common questions or, you know, misconceptions that people have about cohousing.

Katie Kurpanek: 24:12

Yeah, that sounds like a really good push a really good challenge for the society today that I think most of us are familiar with, where like, you know, like you said, whether it's shutting somebody off on next door, or even just like Facebook interactions, general online interactions, and you know, in our post COVID world, so many of us have gotten used to like, opting for virtual interactions, and it's just easier to kind of not engage with people we don't really want to engage with and there are some benefits to that. But I think it's also a good push to really work on communication and like you're both signed up for you know, this intentional living this community you you know, you're committed to that. and you need to work through things. And I can imagine that, you know, raising a family within that community, that's a really great, that's one of the really great traits being modeled for kids is this communication piece. I'm curious if you are seeing a lot of young families in cohousing communities in, you know, the your research and experience or what's what's the typical demographic look like?

Trish Becker: 25:26

Yeah. Um, so, typically cohousing, it does skew older. So there's, you know, a decent chunk of retired folks are just older people with kids who have moved out. And this is something that I'm really working on changing because, as a mom, I experienced firsthand the benefits of bringing a child into the world with a supportive community. And I can't imagine doing it another way. And like you mentioned earlier, most people don't know about cohousing and then when you look at the younger generations, very few people know about it and so if I could wave a magic wand, I would just have cohousing be a household term so that when young people are deciding on the path for their life, they're looking at their options. cohousing is just something that comes to mind when they think okay, you know, I want to start a family in a few years. Do I want to move to a big house in the suburbs or is cohousing a good option for me? So that's something that I'm I'm working really hard to build awareness among the young generation because, contrary to what you actually see as the demographics in cohousing, which is more older, single, not necessarily single, but people without kids cohousing is made for families, I mean, many times they're designed with playgrounds and acres of forest, and really just the freedom for kids to roam around the neighborhood and go from house to house and you know that every person in that whole neighborhood knows your kid and is looking out for them is just a utopia for kids. So the more that I can help spread awareness about that for young families, the better. It really is exactly what you said. It's the village that we all know that we need, but many people just don't know that it exists or how to access it. So yeah,

Katie Kurpanek: 27:32

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I love where I live right now. And we bought the home with the intention to, you know, raise our kids that we have now. And if we have any more, you know, this will be it for us. So I'm very happy, but I didn't know about this as an option. I feel like oh, man, if I had known I would have looked into the idea of cohousing a lot more, you know, before making this commitment. But one thing that comes to mind for younger families as you're trying to, or even just younger generations, even if they don't have kids yet, if they're trying to figure out like you said, what's their long term plan? Where do they want to end up in life? Um, one thing that comes to mind is just so many people that I know right now are really struggling to even buy their own home. Like the economy, the time that we live in is really, really rough right now. So I'm curious what that looks like with cohousing. You know, do you have to buy your own home? Like you said it's private owned, is the is there an option to rent or is there some sort of like affordable housing option within cohousing communities? What's the accessibility?

Trish Becker: 28:43

Yeah, totally. So this I would say affordability is the greatest challenge in our movement. It's like the most necessary thing for us to address and I think that there are many strategies that can intersect with cohousing in order to make it more affordable. So cohousing in itself is not an affordability model. It's an architectural model. It's a social model. But you can intersect it with different approaches to make it more affordable. So a few examples, developers can actually incorporate affordable units into the community. That's something that's done, you know, not on the individual level, but on the developer level. But at Aria here on the northwest side of Denver. We had a third of our units were designated affordable units. Communities can also you know, you typically a cohousing community well, right its own policies around rental. So whether or not you know, units can be rented and for how long and I think that rental and rent to own options are great strategies to increase affordability and access and especially to get those younger families in. If a group is forming a community, they can partner with what's called a Community Land Trust, which is where a nonprofit owns the land, basically, which essentially takes the land is usually about a third of the cost of property. So if a nonprofit owns the land and you build on top of it, that reduces the home prices, that's a really simplified version of that. And also, there's a model a financial and governing model called cooperatives. So if you hear like housing Co Op, you can have a cohousing community, that's also a co op. And what that does is, it's actually a cooperative that owns the house or the community. And then people who live there are shareholders and they get like a room or a house with their share. It makes it so that you don't have to bring the full downpayment when you buy it and you buy in for a lower amount, and then it caps inflation to keep it affordable. For the time being. Again, those are really simple explanations of very complicated strategies, but those are some of the ways that people are looking at this. And the other piece that I'll add is that when I think about the future of cohousing, and I think about it becoming more diverse, more affordable, more accessible, I think about the areas that we can push at the boundaries of cohousing as we know it to like decide, okay, what is what is the core good stuff of cohousing? What's like what makes it work? Take that as a sauce and apply it on a traditional neighborhood. So there are examples of this all over the country where people are, you know, buying homes in a traditional neighborhood or forming relationships with their neighbors, pulling up the fences, starting having a rotating meal plans say oh, we have weekly potlucks and it you know rotates at each neighbor's house or having childcare exchanges. Using one neighbor's garage to store the power tools, you know that the whole community shares all of these sorts of things, I think are in line with the ethos of cohousing, but look a little different and make it more accessible to people who can't afford to buy into cohousing.

Katie Kurpanek: 32:18

I was just thinking before you started saying that I was like, there's well first of all, thank you for sharing all of the you know, the the summaries of how this could be expanded and and more accessible in the future of cohousing. But I was thinking I was like there's so many benefits to living in this sort of intentional community, that gives you a cost savings. You know, as a homeowner or as a family, you know, there's so much that just naturally comes with this community that that I think definitely needs to be factored in when people are kind of weighing the pros and cons like whether or not they want to choose this for their lifestyle. And what I love about sustainable living is usually that's going to be good for the planet and for your wallet. So maybe you could expand a little bit on that, like you shared about sharing tools, for example. That's huge. My husband works in construction. And I know like power tools are so ridiculously expensive. So I know right there that is a huge cost saver for you know, having basically a library of tools in your neighborhood that you can just check out and share with each other. But what are some of the other maybe like cost saving and eco friendly practices within the community communities?

Trish Becker: 33:38

Yeah...

Katie Kurpanek: 33:42

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Trish Becker: 35:24

It's a great question. So yeah, there's a saying in cohousing. You know, people wear all these buttons that say Do we all need our own lawn mower? And it's just this idea which you just have to laugh that when you think about a traditional neighborhood, everyone has these lawns, they mow the lawn for like 30 minutes to an hour, once a week and then put it in the garage. Like why do we all have our own lawn mower who and everything else, like fill in the blank, right? And then not only do we each have our own, have all these different things. But then we have these spaces where we're like, oh, well, I need a garage, or I need a basement or an extra bedroom, two extra bedrooms to keep all my stuff, right. It's just like, it doesn't make sense for the planet. It doesn't make sense for our wallet, that we're all just consuming all these different things instead of just pooling our resources and sharing and creative ways. And cohousing has gotten really good at that there's even a movement within cohousing to share cars. So little groups of people have said you know what, I don't drive that much, you know, we're walking distance to town or I ride my bike or whatever, let's just share a car. And so that's something that people are talking about. Um, and then you know, you're going to see a lot of practices like bulk purchasing, so a Costco membership for the community. And you know, there's so many things that you can buy in bulk, save money, save the planet. In terms of sustainability, you will see, you will not find a cohousing community without EV chargers, community gardens, probably solar panels, they're really leading the way on sustainability because it's such a deeply held value. So you're gonna see native landscaping, and sharing of food from the garden with members of the community and with the wider neighborhood. So a lot of communities have like production gardens, where they basically give away the food to local groups, or have you know, food distribution, you're gonna see composting practices, and green building strategies and all of that. And I think that the important piece with all of this, in terms of sustainability, and just like personal wellbeing, financial and otherwise, I think that connection is the foundation of a good life. And I think that when you are experiencing a life of deep connection, and deep meaning that you gain from living in community, you are less called to consume, to go on Amazon and buy the stuff and you are called less to waste. So I think that experiencing that life of connection creates sustainability for the planet. And for our own well being we are just, we're better people when we have the support of a community and when we feel a sense of belonging. So I feel like that's the foundation of all these other like strategies and practices that we talked about.

Katie Kurpanek: 38:33

That sounds like an absolute dream. I've seen I like listening to all of this. I'm like, okay, so it's too late for me, I can't get into the cohousing community, at this stage of life. But I'm already thinking like, How can I reach out to my own neighbors and try to like, naturally build something similar and see if anybody might be on board. I think one thing I've run into a lot. When talking with people about sharing possessions, I think the way you described it was so perfect that it just really doesn't make sense when you think about it. Like we each have our own of these subsets of things. And we each have to have a place to store the things. It doesn't really make a lot of financial or you know, environmental sense. But I talked to people who are like, this is hard for me to share because this is a possession that was either really expensive or it's very valuable to me. It means a lot they want it to be well taken care of. And I totally hear that. There are people who you wouldn't want to share those things with because they're not going to be responsible. But I think that's part of this intentionality with the community of cohousing that you're talking about is that, you know, that's very different there. If everyone is sharing these tools, if everybody is sharing a car or a lawnmower, they're going to take good care of it as best they can. Because everybody has to use it, including like that person, so when they're using it, they're going to take good care of it. So it just, it makes so much sense to me.

Trish Becker: 40:05

Yeah, it's, I can totally see how you could be in a traditional neighborhood and think, Well, gosh, that would be great. But I don't really know my neighbors, I don't know if they would mess it up or even be into this. So I think that the relationship piece is key, like, any way that we can get to know our neighbors is going to build the foundation for these other things to spring forth. So, you know, if you're gathering regular regularly with your neighbors, let's say you have a rotating potluck in a traditional neighborhood, you're getting to know one another, you're getting to trust one another. And then opportunities are emerging. So we lived in aria cohousing for several years then we moved to a nearby property where we're forming a new, but slightly different community. But right now it's part of a single family neighborhoods. So it feels like we're operating with cohousing values within a traditional neighborhood. So one great example we actually have weekly meals together. As a community, we just rotate different houses. And because we all know each other so well, just recently, someone said, Gosh, I need I need a power washer, like we need for whatever reason that we need power wash. And several other people said, Oh, we totally do too. Can we just like, can we just go in on that together? Like no one cherishes a power washer. No, you know, they just there was that relationship of trust, and then this opportunity emerged. So I always tell people, when you're thinking about how to form deeper connections in a traditional community, think about what you have an abundance of and then create connection around that. So one example is we have a lot of garage space. So we have our friend the our neighbor, the arborist stores his equipment here, our neighbor who builds cars has his trailer here. Someone stores an extra car here, we have tons of people's stuff. And then we're kind of the house for the like shared tools and things. We have an abundance of garages. That's what we can offer and we have built connection as a result. So that's kind of our frame that you can think of how you can feel like you're in cohousing when you're in a traditional neighborhood.

Katie Kurpanek: 42:22

Hmm. I love that so much. I really hope that you know, the awareness of this just continues to spread, I know that you're working so hard to make sure that that is just like this education and awareness is getting out there. And like you said, specifically, you know, trying to talk with and reach younger generations and young families because there are just so many benefits to this way of living. It definitely excites me hearing about it. I wonder if as we start to bring it in for a landing, if we could go back to that idea of raising a family and the most meaningful impacts than a cohousing community could have on a family like within your own personal experience as a mama and research that you've done, what do you feel like would be some of the top benefits for you know, young kids being brought up in in this whole community?

Trish Becker: 43:21

Totally, I think about the impacts on our family, as like the impacts on me as an as an individual as a mom, the impacts on my partnership, and then the impacts on my child. So we, with the support of a community, bringing a child into a community allowed me to be a better version of myself, it allowed me to engage in things that make me me and my passions in my work. And because I had childcare I had just the regular meals to come back to and then just a lot of this invisible support that just allowed it empowered me to be me and it gave me the space to kind of pursue all those things that make me a whole person which then in turn make me a better mom right when I'm not stretched so thin. Then when I'm with my child, I she gets the best side of me because I feel supported. So one example of that, that I talked about in my TED talk is my daughter had a she had RSV when she was three months old and so it was life threatening and we were in at Children's Hospital for over a week and we came back to our cohousing community, you know we'd been gone for a week so it was just our kitchen you know, all the food was rotting or gone. It was you know, the plants would be dead. We just like came back. Totally shell shocked from this time in the hospital. And we walk into our home, expecting it to just be, you know, a complete mess of rotting food and dead plants and all that and we walked in and we open the refrigerator and someone had filled it with fresh groceries, knowing that we were getting back then didn't ask they found there, I still don't know who did it. And so it's that sort of like, love, right, we felt so loved to come home to that. And we just felt like the community has our back so we can be these whole people. And as partners to I'm so much more able to engage in a strong relationship with my partner, because we have that support, because we can say, Hey, we got concert tickets tonight. And I want to go on a date night with my partner. And so I knock on my neighbor's door and say, Can you come over? You know, we're gonna put kids to bed and then we're gonna go out, can you just hang out in the living room, and they're excited to be a part of that. So it like brings us new life to our relationship to in a time when we suffer, right? Traditionally, relationships suffer. And it's hard. It's hard to be a new parent, and it's hard to find time for yourself. And then most importantly, I mean, Cadence is a classic child raised in community, she does not know a stranger, she's completely confident around other adults. And she has learned as a result of living in community that the world is a safe place, that it's filled with beautiful people who are interesting and represent all different kinds of humaneness. You know, she has all these people to go to that are not just her parents to talk about something she's excited about, or to process a problem with, like, the fact that she has other adults to connect with. Outside of her parents is really beautiful. And then kids too, you know, just that idea of like kids running from door to door and you know, going to this house because Deborah made cookies and then going over this house because they have the really cool game and all that that's just idyllic. That's what we all want for our kids and that is very much alive in cohousing. So, those are some of the many, many ways that I think that cohousing has impacted myself and my family.

Katie Kurpanek: 47:22

Oh my gosh, that makes me so happy that there are so many families who are Yeah, you know, they have kids growing up with this and all of the benefits that you just described are highly impactful and will carry them through into adulthood. Like I can't wait to see how they view the world and what they do in the world when they grow up. Yeah,

Trish Becker: 47:41

yeah, exactly. It's, I actually spoke with some kids, some adults who grew up in cohousing as kids, just this last week, and they were just sharing what, how they went to college. And they just described having this feeling of like comfort with themselves, because they grew up like going to a meal with a room full of what would be strangers who all care about them. And so they carry that with them. They're competent human beings, they feel well rounded and safe and comfortable in their own skin, which I think is just a really beautiful impact.

Katie Kurpanek: 48:17

What a gift that is so amazing.

Trish Becker: 48:20

I know. Oh, that's awesome.

Katie Kurpanek: 48:23

Okay, I think there's probably a lot of listeners on the call who are, you know, really curious to learn more about this, and maybe even to see how they could get into a community like this. So I wonder, you know, as we wrap up, if you could just share, like, one to three actionable steps that our listeners could take, taking into consideration where all they might be coming from and their level of accessibility and all of that. If they want to learn more about cohousing and, you know, within Denver, that's where we are but also just across the states. What What could they do?

Trish Becker: 48:59

Totally. So we the cohousing Association hosts a gathering called The Commons, it's on the 10th of every month at 10am Mountain. It's just a free come whenever you want space, we talk about what cohousing is. Even more in depth we talk about you know what, what it's like and common lingo and what you would do if you wanted to join or start a community and then lots of time just to connect with fellow dreamers. So we'll post the link to that but it's the 10th of every month at 10am Mountain. The Commons. that is a great place to start or continue your journey and to cohousing and you can also find we have tons of events and virtual trainings on our website, so that's cohousing.org and then also we're hosting our national cohousing conference happens every two years so it will be next summer in Denver, August of 2024. So stay tuned for that, but that's an exciting opportunity to engage in person. The other thing that I would recommend is to visit a local community. So whether you're in Denver or somewhere else, you can go to our website cohousing.org And we have a directory where you can see existing communities as well as groups who are starting to gather together and don't have a community but have a dream. And I always recommend visiting communities, not necessarily because you might move in there one day, you might I mean, you, if you love it, and they have a home open up, you will be among the first to hear about it. But really, because existing communities sort of serve as these hubs for groups who want to form their own communities. So you can go to a dinner, see what it's like to or the community see what you know, actually looks and feels like. And then you can also meet other people in your area who are interested in those kinds of things. So those are my recommendations. And then yeah, I think, I think a lot of people are in the situation that you shared Katie, which is just, you know, we have a family, we're rooted where we are, for various reasons, we're not going to be moving into cohousing. But a lot of this sounds really attractive. And so I would just say you can you can create stronger networks within traditional neighborhoods by just forming relationships with your neighbors getting to know them start some sort of regular gathering, we know that adult friendships are rooted in frequent and unplanned interactions. So it's your neighbors, you know, say hello, when you're out, walking your dog, go ask for a cup of sugar rather than just going to the store like these little sort of interactions. They weave a strong web of connection and community and civic engagement and from that can sprout all of these other ideas that we talked about. So go get to know your neighbors, even if you live in a regular neighborhood, and it's scary, it's okay.

Katie Kurpanek: 51:59

Yeah, it might feel scary, it might take a lot of work to push people out of the bubble a little bit. But That sounds so worthwhile and meaningful. And there's so many benefits not only to your own personal growth, but also for the planet and for your budget, like all these things we highlighted today. So, thank you so much for taking the time to just share all of this with us. I'm super excited about the entire concept of cohousing and all of the links and resources you mentioned, I will be sure to put them in the episode description, as well as ways to like, you know, follow you know, you on Instagram or whatever else might be there. So, thank you so much for your time today.

Trish Becker: 52:43

I really thank you. Thank you so much, Katie for having me. It was a joy and yeah, just excited to talk about cohousing and sustainable parenting. Appreciate it.

Katie Kurpanek: 52:54

Thank you. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. And if you did, I would love it if you would share it with a friend. Spread the word over your social media or simply leave a review wherever you subscribe to this podcast to help others find it as well. Thank you so much for being here. I'll catch you next time.