Sustainable Motherhood: Thriving Through Transitions (with "Hey Shayla!")

In this empowering episode, we dive into the world of sustainable motherhood with the incredible Shayla, a crunchy-mama icon, YouTuber, and Podcaster from "Hey Shayla." Join us as we explore the challenges and triumphs of transitioning into motherhood while maintaining a sustainable lifestyle.

Shayla candidly shares her journey from pre-mom to mom and how she navigated the significant changes in her schedule, responsibilities, and mindset. Balancing motherhood with her brand and business, she reveals the valuable insights and strategies that helped her remain sustainable without losing her sanity.

Discover the powerful concept of "do what works until it doesn't" as Shayla encourages moms to find their unique parenting style. Embrace the freedom to change your mind and adapt as your family's needs evolve. With heartwarming honesty, Shayla reminds us that it's okay to seek advice but ultimately trust your instincts and make decisions from your internal self. 

If you're a mom seeking inspiration, practical advice, and the strength to navigate parenthood sustainably, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in now to embrace a more conscious and empowered motherhood experience, finding beauty in every step of the journey.

About Shayla:
"Hey, I’m Shayla! A Mom who questions EVERYTHING, supports every parent making decisions with love, and sharing what I learn about this wild freaking ride called motherhood! I keep it light with a sprinkle of humor and fist fulls of reality. I move with a positive, intuitive, and minimalistic approach, if you relate… you’re my people, let’s grow good humans!"

Contact Info for Shayla:

• IG: @HeyShayla 
• Website 
• YouTube
• Podcast

Additional Resources:

• RIE Parenting Method

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Transcript

Katie Kurpanek: 0:06

You're listening to all things sustainable, where we unpack topics related to sustainable living, as well as how to apply specific actions to your own life. I'm your eco living coach and podcast host Katie Kurpanek. Let's jump in. Hello everybody. Welcome back to the All Things sustainable podcast. We are currently in season four where we are discussing all things eco minded parenting and caretaking. So far in the season, we have covered Hypno birthing, hypnotherapy. So kind of starting off from the very beginning of most people's parenthood journey. And then from there, we've talked about sustainable breastfeeding journeys, you know, pumping tips, balancing working and breastfeeding all those good things. Last episode was about non toxic living, creating a safe healthy environment for you and your family. And today we have the absolute privilege of talking with Shayla, THE Shayla from Hey Shayla, if you don't know who she is already, you need to go follow her like listen to this episode, but then immediately go follow her. You can find everything that she has under the name Hey Shayla. And I mean, if you do know her, you're probably smiling right now. She is just absolutely wonderful. She is a gem and full of knowledge and just absolute authenticity. So her website, you know, she self describes herself as a mama who questions everything. She asks the questions that most people think that you know, everyone else knows the answer to. But really, we're all just in this wild ride together of parenting trying to figure it out. And she supports every parent who is trying to make all the decisions all the time. She's hilarious. She is realistic and relatable. She's minimalistic, I'm kind of going off her website and kind of just saying things that I love about her too. So basically, you are in for a treat. Today, we are just mainly talking about all the things that are like crunchy or sustainable or eco friendly. That's like the first half of this podcast episode just kind of going into our own experiences with trying to live sustainably as in eco friendly and granola with our kids. And then the second half of the episode takes a turn and we kind of pivot to talk more about the other definition of sustainable, more like balance. So we talk a lot about transitioning from before being a mom or a parent to being a mom or a parent. And then we talk about that transition from one to two kids. I haven't gone through that transition yet but Shayla has and so there is just a whole variety of really good stuff in this episode. I had an absolute blast talking with her and I'm so excited for you all to hear the advice and wisdom and just relatable stories that Shayla has to share. Shayla has a huge following on YouTube, that's kind of where you know she's gotten her start and she's also grown a massive Instagram community, a community through her podcast, all of it again, under the name Hey Shayla, and on YouTube, she currently has over 125,000 subscribers. And she has also come out with a YouTube with confidence course. So if you go to her website, hey shayla.com You can check that out if YouTube is something that you are interested in and you want to know how to do it with confidence. starting from square one, you're definitely going to want to learn from Shayla so all of her contact information and the things that she offers will be available in the episode description. And then speaking of video courses, one quick plug I have sustainable video courses if you're not already aware on my website, that minimal life.com You can find that in the episode description as well. And there are courses that cover a variety of topics anything from like living sustainably on a budget to composting 101 You know, raising a family sustainably all these different topics. You can find those video courses on my website if you're interested. And also if you want to promote those video courses and then make some extra you know like side money from any courses that are sold through your unique affiliate link. You can now become an affiliate through the kind of like ambassador program that I've created. So I will also have that link available in the episode description. You can sign up today for free, really like you're not losing anything by signing up and then if you want to start promoting these video courses, I have created everything that you'll need in order to do that. So I have like graphics and captions and anything you might need for social media posts. And then if people are interested In those video courses, they click your link then if they purchase a course that sale will be tracked to you and you will earn 10% of that sale and any others that come from your link. So just plugging that in if you're interested in any of those things, check out the episode description. But with that being said, thank you so much for being here. Let's go ahead and dive into crunchy parenting with"Hey Shayla" Shayla, I am super excited to have you on the podcast. I also feel like I have to hold myself back from being like hey Shayla are calling you hey Shayla, like when I tell people I'm having a Shayla on my podcast. Yeah, it just comes out so naturally. But I'm very excited to have you. Thank you so much for being here today.

"Hey Shayla": 5:48

Yes, I'm, I'm so excited to talk to you and talk and be a guest on a podcast and talk about all eco friendly. This is like my jam. I'm loving it. Yes.

Katie Kurpanek: 5:55

I'm so glad. Yeah, you're a professional at this. Like you have your own podcast and a YouTube channel, and an Instagram community and like all these things, so. So yeah, you're pretty like YouTube famous haha

"Hey Shayla": 6:09

I know I told Seth, She called me a granola mom Icon, Seth she called me an icon. And he's like, what? I was like, I know, I know. Get the baby. Let's. I can't even handle this.

Katie Kurpanek: 6:24

I love this. Thanks so much. Oh, yeah. Because it's like when you're a content creator, it's, I think it's easy for people to like, kind of put you on a pedestal and be like, Oh my gosh, they're like, not even a real human. But also like you show up so authentically human all the time and everything you do. And that is like the best thing about you at least what I think so.

"Hey Shayla": 6:47

Thank you.

Katie Kurpanek: 6:48

Of course. Okay, we are talking in this whole season on this podcast about like eco minded parenting and caretaking. So we're gonna have a whole variety of guest speakers on this season. And I've told my listeners a little bit about you in the introduction to this episode. But I would love to just hear from you first, before we even get into all the things like, you know, tell us about who you are, and who are the beloved people in your life and like, what are you passionate about? All those things?

"Hey Shayla": 7:18

Amazing. So I, I constantly feel like I'm still like, you know, the person in high school who is like the high school quarterback who will forever hold that identity in their soul. That's me with the full time travel. Like I was a full time traveler before I came a mom. And I'll always like, throw it in there like Yeah, well, when I used to. When I used to travel full time, man, I was really cool. Before I was a mom. I feel like that's what it is. So. So I'm gonna start with that. So in 2015, I started traveling full time. And my friends were like, Oh, you just start a blog. We want to see what you're up to. And I was like, I don't like writing. And I'm not I don't particularly I'm not good at it. And I don't want to get better. I'm just not very good. And so i i On Facebook, just put out a video of like, hey, Facebook friends. I'm in Tahoe now. And this is what I'm doing. And this is what I've been up to and blah, blah, blah. And they got like, I don't know, 1000 views, which I feel like it's a lot. Yeah, even on Facebook. Now if I got 1000 views, I'd be like, holy smokes. So I was like, okay, that's kind of fun. That was easy, just kind of storytelling. And so a friend was like, Well, why don't you start a YouTube channel is like, yeah, yeah, that sounds like that sounds like more fun. And so I just did it. And I don't know why. But I committed to doing a video every single Wednesday. And so I mean, they were it this is the whole point of like, you just have to start to learn how to do stuff. Like I was just making videos. I was like, here I am in Puerto Rico this week here. I'm gonna Baba blah. And then I had a Burning Man video go viral. And I was like, oh, make videos that people are searching for. Nobody's searching for what is Shayla doing of Puerto Rico this week. They're searching for Burning Man or whatever. So then I started doing like, how to be a solo female traveler and like things that I knew would grow. And then the channel started growing. And then I traveled around all over the place. And then in 2019, I got pregnant and the world shut down. Also if you weren't aware, or you didn't, yeah. So I was like travel. Hmm, probably not much, much more that's going to be happening. So I made the very hard decision at the time, like it was like losing sleep over Do I just do this aggressively hard pivot of like, no more travel, all motherhood and I was like, I don't really have a choice because that's the aggressive pivot that my life is taking. Right? So that's what my channel is going to be taking. And I renamed my channel so I started out as yoga che where I would like do morning yoga stretches and then I and then I went to living on one way and that was all the travel stuff and I switched again to Hey Shayla, because I was like, I need to stop switching. And I just needed a name that's going to be all encompassing of anything that I decided to talk about I think about me, Shayla, hey, Shayla. So that's where that came in. And so I've been a mom, that a mom now for about three years, and been learning a lot. And I think having that travel, of seeing that the rest of everyone in the world does things so differently, but they all seem to work and function just fine. And kind of like going through travel open minded and just like learning all the things. And I think that all helped prepare me for motherhood and prepare me for sharing about motherhood because my whole schlep is that like, we're all doing it differently. We all have no idea what we're doing.

Katie Kurpanek: 10:49

Yeah.

"Hey Shayla": 10:51

And like, we have things to learn from each other. And like, just like traveling, you take what you love, you leave what you don't like, it changes you. And so the travel paired with I don't watch much YouTube. Oh, like, sometimes I want you to but I'm like, wow, she does an intro idea. Like, the most basic things are there for like to be Oh, subscribe. And like, if you enjoyed this video, I'm like, right. So like, the things that I when I do end up watching, I learned stuff. But otherwise, I feel like it's a good thing that I don't, because then I can kind of just create my own stuff and just sort of do what comes organically or topics that come organically and if I need to do some research or whatever. But I think that that helps, because then I'm not really comparing and I'm just sort of nose down. Like I don't have time to do anything else. And just Yeah, hearing but again, so I would say that is that's, that's about me that that's all that stuff. But I think I've just always tried to live in flow as much as I can. That's like always been my goal is just to kind of like, go with what feels the best. And that's sort of what I've done in motherhood. And that's how I've ended up here with like, all of this nursing on demand and cosleeping. And, um, I don't know, all of that. More hippie stuff, but then also the eco friendly stuff. So

Katie Kurpanek: 12:21

yeah, and I love that with. So again, like you show up so authentically, and everything you do, and I think it is genius that you don't watch YouTube specifically to like try and be like other content creators. Like I've gotten that feedback as a coach too that, like, you know, you if there are other coaches in the field you're coaching in like, specifically don't follow their things. Because then not only does that also keep you from like copying somebody intentionally or unintentionally, right? It just like keeps you on the edge of you know, whatever you're putting out into the world is completely unique. So, and then yeah, and you show up authentically. And I love that like, hey, Shayla is just you're putting out videos that are topics you're interested in, and so are a bunch of other people. And then now you're doing that with your podcast too. And like you like to say that you're asking all the questions that people think that, you know, they should know the answers to but like, yeah, don't. So I appreciate that you ask those things all the time.

"Hey Shayla": 13:21

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Katie Kurpanek: 13:23

No, it's It's so it's relatable. And you're building such a relatable community on Instagram too, because like, I love watching your stories and you're just like putting things questions, real questions out into the world all the time. So with this podcast season that I'm doing, I feel like you could probably speak to every single topic that I have on my books with like, Okay, we're gonna cover hypnobirthing and we're gonna cover non toxic living and minimalism and like all these things, and you you have like videos about probably all those things. So I knew when I was creating the idea for this season that like I wanted to ask you to be on it. But I was also struggling to figure out like, what is Shayla going to talk about? Like, what it what is the point of our conversation? So what I landed on, here's my confession, I just basically want to talk to you. And I was like, I'm gonna come up with whatever, whatever topic seems to make sense. And I think we can just talk about any things that have to do with like crunchy parenting and also like making the sustainable like, you know, work life balance kind of sustainable definition making that transition from pre mom working life, you know, for you like traveling and then going into full time motherhood and also being a working mom, like they're just all these things that have to do with sustainability, not only in an eco friendly sense, but also just sustainable like saving your sanity kind of sense.

"Hey Shayla": 14:57

Yes, I know I love that the sustainable work Life? Because it is that's yeah, totally No. Well, I feel like a big part of this is if somebody's kind of, because I feel like when you become pregnant, that's kind of when you're like, Oh, I can't eat certain things. Oh, is my lotion. Okay for me Oh, is this and this is. And so first of all, there's so much stress that can go into that because you're like, I you have been using this lotion forever. But now it has an ingredient that I can't use, what can I use? How do I figure this out? Oh, it's $20 for a bottle that normally cost me three, like, what? How do I afford all of these things? And so there can be a lot of anxiety and stress that goes into it. And so, I guess so here, I'm gonna, I'm gonna help you with our direction. Because as soon as you were talking, I was like, I've got it. I've got it. Got it? Yes, I feel like first, the figuring out how to be more eco friendly if you're just kind of starting the journey. And then also like, what? There can be some judgment from people who are like, Oh, you're gonna, have a gluten free, you're getting the gluten free thing from the menu. And you're like, Yes, I am. Because I know what I, I read my thing. And I saw that reel one time that told me that this is better, like, so that as far as the anxiety goes, I am a he I heard this quote one time, and I love it. And I think it's perfect. This is mostly about eco conscious stuff. But it's I wrote it down. So I didn't mess it up. We don't need a handful of people doing it perfectly. We need millions of people doing it imperfectly.

Katie Kurpanek: 16:24

Yes.

"Hey Shayla": 16:25

How much stress does that relieve? Yeah, like, so much, I can be one of those million people that don't do it perfectly. But like, make a couple of changes. And like, the impact that a couple of changes makes with a million people is massive. So I feel like that's the first thing that people need to keep in their head. Like if you're not able to get all new kitchenware, and all new soaps and all new, whatever. That's okay. Yeah. And, and honestly, you should finish the bad soap that you have in your thing before you buy new because otherwise, you're just creating ways to make a different change. Right? And then you have like, the ego conscious, and you have the non toxic and there's like a bunch of levels to this too. And yeah, it gets really complicated. So I and just overwhelming. So it's like, how do you eat an elephant or whatever, one bite at a time that like, take, take the one thing be like, oh, man, I use a lot of diapers. So let's start with cloth diapers, or I use a lot of paper towels. Let me buy a few extra rags or cut one of these old towels and rags and try using that and seeing how that works. And so I guess that would be my like, first recommendation of like, when you're starting to do the transition is just like, pick one thing. And or when you need to replace something, then do the research to figure out what to replace. Yeah, right. Don't you agree?

Katie Kurpanek: 17:50

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Like that's. So that's what I am trying to put out into the world and communicate with like, my coaching and my podcast that you just need to start somewhere. Like we all just need to start somewhere. And it definitely doesn't need to be perfect. And then I love like a good play on words. And I feel like sustainable has become like one of my favorite words. Because it to me, if you cannot sustain these lifestyle changes that you're making, if they aren't sustainable for you long term, then you're not actually living sustainably, even if you're trying to do all the eco friendly things. So that's kind of become like the main message. I'm trying to share with as many people as possible. And okay, so you I mean, you use, like the sort of self self identifying labels or whatever that term is all the time like crunchy granola, a little bit hippie. Um, what does that mean to you? And like to your audience when you say that?

"Hey Shayla": 18:50

so I don't know, that's, I think that's why I throw out so many. Yeah. Which one of these resonates with you or like you've heard before, but for me, I think it just means conscious, being conscious of what you're doing, being conscious of what you choose to do. So some people are more like, they're gonna use all the harsh chemicals on their face, because that's what they want. But they're gonna make sure that it's an eco friendly packaging, like, so you know what I mean? So everyone has their own values and what they're trying to do, and they have their different like, routines, rhythms, I don't know, basically, like, the thing about if you use a ton of paper towels a day, try replacing that, like, everyone has their different things that they can make a small change in that would make a bigger impact in their house. So I think just kind of figuring out what yours is and like, okay, that's how I answer the question, granola crunchy, hippie. So I think conscious. I think that's what it is just conscious living, just trying to be more aware of what you're doing and not just going through the motions of what you've been doing, but kind of like starting to question them and research them and have an open mind about it on both sides.

Katie Kurpanek: 20:01

Yeah. Yep. And you're you're learning all the time. Like, I mean, you're a big reader, you love to read. And you know, you're putting out information all the time in your podcast and like learning from the people you're interviewing. Yeah. Which is so huge. So I feel like that's a big part of this, too, is just like taking in information on a consistent basis in a way that is like, not overwhelming and burdensome. But if we're consistently learning, then you can't un-know those things. You can't literally Yeah, you can't forget about what you've just learned. That was so mind blowing. And I think that makes a big difference in people's lives too. And like keeps them motivated to just do the best that they can.

"Hey Shayla": 20:38

Absolutely. I agree. Yeah.

Katie Kurpanek: 20:41

What do you feel like is the most like crunchy or granola thing that you've done in all these different like motherhood topics that you talked about?

"Hey Shayla": 20:53

encapsulating my placenta? I knew. I was trying to think of I read that when the questions that I was like, what is the current it's that's definitely it, and it's become so I believe in it so much because of the drastic difference between my two pregnancies because I did it for my first and my second, I was like, give me anything that will give me a different postpartum, like, literally anything and somebody was like, your placenta. My clinical nutritionist recommended it to me. Wow. I was like, what? She's not a doula. She's not she's like a nutritionist. She's like, well, we eat animal livers and stuff. So it's just like, I don't know her, whatever. And I was like, Wait, are you kidding? So then I asked a doula friend that I knew. And she's like, Yeah, sure, we can encapsulate your percent. I was like, Okay. Like, the only thing like I'd rather have it not need it, than need it and not have it. So. Okay. And I was like, a joke about it that I would be like, like, I would need it like Gore's my placenta pill, like I've read you. And I was like, frantically just hormonal. And I would take, I'd be like, Ah,

Katie Kurpanek: 21:59

instant gratification!

"Hey Shayla": 22:02

yes. And I live in this, like social media world that when I see like, parents, friends at daycare, something that live in the normal world, and aren't like, don't have this granola community around them. And I'd suggest something like that. And they're just like, completely, like, taken aback. I'm like, oh, yeah, that is kind of weird. It feels really normal to me, but like, I understand what but like, You should do it though. Here's the number of somebody who doesn't locally here you go. Yep. Have you done it?

Katie Kurpanek: 22:32

I did, Yeah. Yes. So um, my I had a friend who told me to do it, like, because she had a baby, I think, a year before I did something like that. And so And she's like, another super crunchy friend, and I love her to death. So she told me about it. I was very weirded out at first and was like, I don't know if I could do that. And then I learned more about the process and did the whole, like deep dive of research. And the way I did it was like, encapsulated in just the little, you know, pills. And I was like, Okay, so that's not that gross, like, you know, orally taking it. And so since I didn't have a dip, like a different experience, like you did with your first postpartum, I didn't know any different, but I do feel like it helped a lot. Because my, I don't know, compared to some stories that I've heard my postpartum experience wasn't like, maybe as hard as it could have been. Um, I do feel like hard.

"Hey Shayla": 23:30

Still hard. It's not a magic pill. Yeah, definitely not a magic pill.

Katie Kurpanek: 23:34

No, but like, I do you feel like there was more, maybe emotional or hormonal balance that was going on? And yeah, so I don't know. I think it helps. I would do it again.

"Hey Shayla": 23:46

Yeah. No, I understand not knowing the difference and I just remember this time being like, Seth, I'm not I haven't cried yet. Two weeks after and I was like, the other the first one. I mean, granted, it was also in COVID. So like, that could be the factor. Yeah. But I felt pretty good about it. And I would recommend it to any non crunchy or crunchy people ever because, yeah, I and it's funny because like, I'm like, I don't really know what else I don't really think I'm that crunchy otherwise and says, I'll be like, Are you kidding me? Like what? Or else I've said that and somebody's like she says she's not crunchy. So we did a story and like tagged me and they're like, but she's super crunchy. I'm like, Yeah,

Katie Kurpanek: 24:29

I guess it's like if you're, if you're looking at this whole spectrum of things, and people you follow, and then you're like, Okay, where am I on this spectrum, but then compared to some, yeah, even even when I tell people that we've used cloth diapers, for some people that is like an absolutely shocking factor. And they're like, whoa, that's super crunchy and granola.

"Hey Shayla": 24:49

Like I get it, but it's not as bad as you think. But I get it, yeah,

Katie Kurpanek: 24:55

I feel like with cloth. This is such a tangent, but I'm like with cloth diapering. I feel like You are going to have to deal with poop and pee either way, like no matter what you do, your baby is going to have these massive blowout at some point like it's going to be a mess. And it's just gross either way. So I was like, for me, it wasn't such a big deal because cloth diapering the more I learned about it, I was like this is actually pretty easy to manage and to clean up easier than what I thought it was going to be. I know that's a relative term. But it wasn't that hard. And it wasn't that gross. And I still would have had to deal with it if we had done disposables all the time.

"Hey Shayla": 25:33

So totally Yeah. And once you figure out your system, and you choose your diaper, that was a stressful part. For me. I'm like, what, there's five different kinds why? And I just had a friend who was like, This is my favorite. And I was like, good. That's my favorite, too. I'm just ordering that one. I don't want to make any more decisions like, but yeah, once you figure it out, you're right. Like even you're wiping butts you're doing you're very intimate with the poo. So might as well just because in my mind, it's way easier to do a little laundry than it is to go to the store and buy a big box of diapers with a child.

Katie Kurpanek: 26:07

Oh, yeah. And when you see the cost too. Oh my gosh, we've been doing one disposable diaper overnight. Yeah, that's just kind of like every other same thing. Okay, so like the rest of the time was cloth. And then we started doing EC elimination communication. Yeah, so but the amount that we cut back on the disposable diapers like having to buy those home, my gosh, I was like, we're saving so much money. I did the math at one point. And it was literally like over $1,000 a year. I think so.

"Hey Shayla": 26:39

Isn't it and it gets even better when you have your second if you're gonna have any more because then you're like, wow, I already have these. I don't even have to buy anymore diapers. This is fantastic. And it like then you just feel like the cost savings is just exponentially better. Like Aliya is fully potty trained now, but that's what I use at night with her because I was using a disposable because we do the same thing. We use disposables at night. And so it was just like habit. Okay, put you in the disposables at night. She was getting a really bad rash on her booty. And I was like, this is not great. Let's try the cloth. And I was like, Why have I not been using the cloth? Anyway, most of the time, she wakes up with a dry diaper. And then what I put her back in disposable, like use it two days, and then it's dry. And then I throw it away. Like this just doesn't make sense. So now she uses the cloth to sleep. And it's perfect.

Katie Kurpanek: 27:22

Wow. Yeah, that's great. I mean, you just you have to find the system that works for you and your family. And that's like, again, all part of the whole sustainable thing is like what works for your family? Yeah, so it's definitely not going to be like a one size fits all kind of method. But, um, is there okay, so Oh, no, go ahead.

"Hey Shayla": 27:42

No, it also doesn't have to be all or nothing like we use disposables at night, like I said, but also, I use them if I'm out if we're going to the zoo or something and I don't want to deal with the wet bag. I will put her in disposable. If I know she's going to take a super long nap I'll put her into disposable. So that's the whole like doing it imperfectly. Just because you have the cloth diapers doesn't mean that you can't use a disposable. Right you know,

Katie Kurpanek: 28:03

yeah, yeah, exactly. You You just do what you can. So with, you're talking about what you do with Aliya. So are there things that, I mean I know there are kinda because I've seen some of it in your YouTube channel progression as you had another kiddo. But for our listeners who maybe don't know what are the things that you did with Alia that maybe you were like, hyper focused on or really just like conscious about being sustainable, but then when your second kiddo Esme came along, like what has changed or what do you feel like maybe you loosened up a little bit about like, what sustainable living look like for you with two kids now? I guess is the question.

"Hey Shayla": 28:45

I think it's very similar. I don't think that there's a lot of changes. Yeah, we still do the cloth diapering. I'm looser with EC with Esme because like I let her cry because when Aliya would cry like after a nap, I'd be in a room two seconds later. Yeah, well sometimes they fall back asleep and I never learned that with Aliya because I never gave her the opportunity to fall back asleep with Esme I let her fuss a little bit. We all know the difference between like crying upset like I can look on the monitor I see if she keeps her head on her pillow and she's crying. She's like still kind of sleepy. If she sits up I'm gonna go in there. In that process she usually does a little pee so I'm not catching it as much as they used to with Aliya because I'd be like, Oh, you're awake, grab you, Let's put you on potty. Oh, I got it cool. So I'm not catching it as much as I used to. And I just don't care. I think that's okay. I'm like, way more relaxed with Esme because I have to be and I don't have the time that I had with just Aliya like it was COVID it was one kid. I was hyper focused on literally everything and with as like, like I get the love every boxes and I would try and like do all the love every boxes with Aliya and I would like Teach her all the toys or whatever. I have pulled out a couple for Esme like, Girl learns everything from my hip. And so like that's the benefit of this child is she gets to see Aliya do everything and she just like watch it like I can't unload dishwasher without holding her or like unload the laundry. I'll just set her by my feet and she holds on to my leg. while I unload laundry. I'm like, alright, well this is what laundry looks like Esme you're learning something. And so she's definitely, she definitely already learns by observing but it's not as intentional, that's not sustainable. As far as sustainability goes. I really don't feel like I've done too much different.

Katie Kurpanek: 30:38

No, I feel like that does have to do a sustainability though. Because it's like your sustainable balance. And so you are totally on track you

"Hey Shayla": 30:46

Yes, I love that play on sustainability. Because it's just so accurate. Because people try to hop on any sort of like, Oh, I'm gonna try this now. I'm gonna try this now. But like, if it's not something that you can sustainably do, yeah. Then it's kind of just for nothing, not for nothing. It's for trying. Yeah.

Katie Kurpanek: 31:07

But like, it's extra frustrating, and probably leading to burnout and all those things. And I wonder, like, if there's listeners may be listening to this episode, and you felt the same way you should like message Shayla and I, let us know. But I feel like having a baby in the COVID era was such a beast of its own. Like I think that having a baby and going through the postpartum process. And all of it is it has its challenges no matter what. And it has its joys no matter what. But the COVID era was so isolating, like, because I had you know, my one toddler, I had him in November of 2020. And so it was like, you know, not full lockdown lockdown status like it was it was during our pregnancy. So pregnancy was super isolating. Postpartum was still super isolating. He didn't see anybody outside. And Kevin and I for like three months. Yeah. Yeah. Like, and people would come to the window. We did like the whole like, yes, the window. Yeah. Um, but I wonder if that added to like the hyper focusing on things, because that happened to me. And I think it was just because I had all the time in the world and no one else around. And it was like, I was super focused to like an unhealthy point on certain parts of his schedule and eco friendly habits that I thought I was going to be getting into already. And by three months, and I was like, why am I not doing this?

"Hey Shayla": 32:35

Like, what?

Katie Kurpanek: 32:36

I thought I would do EC from birth. Yeah. I read, you know, all the things. And I studied it. I was so ready. I bought all my materials. And then I was like freaking out about it when the time actually came. And he was so little and fragile. And I was like, I can't do this. Yeah. But I don't know. I'm curious if that's like a lot of people's experience.

"Hey Shayla": 32:57

I have no doubt. No doubt. I think you're spot on. I think everybody was home. Everybody was having baby, whatever. A lot of people had babies. And you were hyper focused on literally everything. Yeah. And I think that the COVID Babies are coming out Good. Like, I feel like having that much. And they don't need to be hyper focused. But I think just that much attention and time with mom and dad, or their caretaker or whatever. Yeah, I feel like that had a very positive impact.

Katie Kurpanek: 33:27

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I was worried that, you know, my son was going to be super like, I don't even know what the word is. But I think I was worried he was gonna be not able to have social interactions or something for a long time, because he was so isolated from them in his early, you know, parts of his life. And it hasn't, I don't think it's really impacted him. Like when it came time to start bringing people into our lives and like slowly acclimating again, he adjusted and we adjusted, and now basically, life is normal. And yeah, so everything's fine.

"Hey Shayla": 34:01

Yeah. And I feel like that social aspect happens for them after 18 months. And so I think having that close attachment with the caretaker, the first 18 months is like a good foundation. And then it's like, okay, now you are aware of other people. Let's get you interacting and socializing. So I've I feel like it's good. I don't know.

Katie Kurpanek: 34:25

Yeah, I think so. And I mean, we, you know, we these are our kids. So it's like, yeah, we're gonna say they're fine.

"Hey Shayla": 34:31

They're perfect. Everything's fine. Exactly.

Katie Kurpanek: 34:39

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"Hey Shayla": 38:08

Yeah, totally. So it was rough. And I think that a lot of people when they transition from where they what are they I wrote this down too because it was a big one. Matron to mother. Matron is what you called before. Yeah, wait, Matron? That's not right. Maiden, Yeah maiden to mother. Woof. Like it is. I just remember. I mean, honestly, COVID helped and hurt. It helped because nobody was doing anything. So there was no FOMO I wasn't jealous of all my friends doing traveling or doing their thing or whatever, while I was mom, but like, I didn't get to do any. Okay. It was such a hard time. I just tried to like put into words. This was like so I just I think COVID was an impact. I think not being able to travel was an impact I think I don't know that. Somebody when I was traveling once was like, Are you running from something you're running for some, running towards something? I was like, what does that mean? He's like people that are traveling are either running away from something or running towards something and I was like, This is too deep for me. I just wanted my breakfast like what do you do? So but I do feel like it was a bit of like, I have no responsibility. I have no, um I wasn't in people's weddings because I wasn't sure if I was gonna be home or not. And I was cool with that and then I didn't have to like be part of all these like things or understand all the traditions or do things wrong or whatever, I just got to like go do my own thing and like I would show up to their wedding but I didn't have to be part of all that. And like that kind of sounds terrible honestly but I liked the lack of responsibility in retrospect at the time I don't know that I would have told you that but like I liked just being able to be like I don't know I think I'm gonna go to Arizona tomorrow or I'll I'll even two days because the flights are cheaper. Like it was just this like super fluid Did low responsibility kind of go with whatever I wanted? And there's a lot of responsibility when your mom that like it's it. So it was very, very, very jarring. And I, and then your husband or partner gets to like, I remember being like, you get to go to work. And he's like, What did you just say? Like, now you get to leave and you get to go to work. And I just, I'm just gonna do the same thing I did yesterday. Yep. And so I interviewed someone on my podcast who talked about that maiden to motherhood. And she said, it takes about two years.

Katie Kurpanek: 40:37

Yeah, I believe it.

"Hey Shayla": 40:38

Yes, yeah. Because around the two year mark, it's also when I had my second kid, but around that time is when I was like, okay, yeah, I've kind of found my new rhythm. And I've accepted my new rhythm. I'm not fighting anymore. I'm not trying to go back to that old life. And I was never like a partier drinker like that. But I just wanted to like travel or like, Get in the car in two seconds, or just do things on a whim. And you're just not able to do that. And so once I kind of like settled into my motherhood, and like that, I really started to enjoy it. And I was like, This is so fun. And my kids are so fun. And I think that I'm definitely a toddler mom more than I am like a newborn mom, like I thrive. And this age after one is just the absolute best for me like, yep, saying, yes, they're learning things. And you get to like, interact with them more. And like, you watch them figure something out. And you're like, Oh, it's so much fun. And like, we can do crafts, and we can she's recognizing her a the A's and signs and she's like, Oh, my letter and I'm like, oh, that is your letter! I know. It's just so much fun. And so once that like kind of settling happen, I really, I feel like started to thrive. And then of course, it would jerk back and forth. Or I'm like, No, this is hard. Oh, wait, no, this is great. But like, I no longer I just was looking forward. Now. I was no longer looking back being like, what's happening? What are the where's my life turning? I was like, Okay, here it is. These are my circumstances, I want to like, and just like working with that. And it just made such a huge difference. So. And like what I started with, I like going finding the flow of things. That's it. Like I was just trying to go with my instincts, and then finding things to support that like, like the floor bed, I'd be like, Man, I wish I could just put her crib on the floor so that I could just lay there nursery until she fell asleep and roll away. So I like Googled floor beds, and they're like, Montessori for beds. And I was like, this is the thing. So like, just trying to find the people that were aligned, and the advice that was aligned and yeah, Mm hmm.

Katie Kurpanek: 42:56

Yeah. And it's all at one time. Like, that's, you know, you're trying to learn all these new things all at one time, like, gosh, it is so hard. And I appreciate you saying that, and just being so honest and vulnerable about like what your experience was, because I think that more often than not, that is the experience for most of us. And it's a hard, hard transition to make. And I think for even people I've talked to who like they wanted to be a mom their whole day. Like, it's still it's still a lot to get used to. I haven't read the book yet, but I heard you recommending it at some point, something about muttrah essence. And like, I love that word like the way it sounds. But it made so much sense when you were talking about what this book is. And like that whole concept that you grow into your mature essence, like your maternal essence. And yeah, having like maybe the two year mark, or sometime around there. My son's two and a half now. And like, I definitely feel like I'm way more settled, and just like grounded at being a mom and just kind of laugh about it now that like yep, I'm a mom and I am not as cool as I once was. Right?

"Hey Shayla": 44:07

Yes.

Katie Kurpanek: 44:08

Oh, it's a lot to have to hang on to though. Like, okay, so what if you could give advice to, you know, listeners who are maybe like, new moms or they're pregnant, so they're going to be a mom. I feel like you probably got a lot of advice, unsolicited, as I did, too. And it's not always helpful. So what would your advice be to these new moms new parents who are like in that transition phase or about to be?

"Hey Shayla": 44:39

do what works until it doesn't is what I say on repeat. So like, the whole co sleeping thing like co-sleep, if that feels right to you, and you figure out how to do it safely. And then if at four weeks, four months, four years, you're like, nah, this is not working anymore. That's Okay, you get to change your mind. It's your parenting style, it's your parenthood, it's you get to do what works for you. So, I think you've got to just really, like release the stress of like, doing it, right? Because, yeah, you do get a ton of advice, and you get a ton of like input. And it's not always helpful. And everyone's situation is different. So I think that's like, I keep referencing weird stuff. But I think I saw like a real that was talking about how in made in hood, you rely on external things to help you make decisions, like your friends, or your mom or your whatever. And motherhood, you need to rely on your internal self to make decisions. Yeah, and that can be really challenging. Because first, you've never done it before. Second, you don't know if you've never been a mom before. How do you know the right but you do it? Because? Because it's not being a mom before. It's your experience and your children and your family? And like, Yeah, talk to the people that you want advice from, but that's when I find a lot of like dissonance is when I'm constantly like, asking you asking me, Seth, asking my therapist asking my neighbor asking, whatever. And inevitably, I just need to, like, Quiet everyone else out, be like, Okay, what do I want to do? And when I make this decision, I can change my mind a month later, or a week later, or whatever, that's okay. Because I feel like, so many people think if you make a decision, that's, that's the decision for life. And, and also that, like, everything truly is a phase, like, especially that first year. I mean, your baby can sleep fantastic for a night and then the next week, they're not and then the next month they are and like, um, that's that is what happens. So like, yeah, you just knowing, because I just remember being like, This is unbearable, and like, how, how am I going to keep doing this? Well, you keep doing it, because it'll change. And it'll get it'll get harder and then easier, and then different and like, but it is, it can be hard when you're in it to just be like, I didn't know what I was signing up for. But nobody does. And everybody, I don't know, I try really hard on my content to be honest, but not negative. Because it's not negative. It's hard.

Katie Kurpanek: 47:23

Yes,

"Hey Shayla": 47:24

yeah. But it's also great. I don't know,

Katie Kurpanek: 47:30

no, that makes so much sense to me. So I feel like what you shared about relying on your inner strength, the more grounded you get in and just time and experience in motherhood, I feel like, it's so amazing how much birth, like from the very beginning of your motherhood Journey birth is what like, actually has to prepare you for that. Because usually, I think like most people I've talked to, they had some sort of a birth plan or birth vision in mind. And then like something about it didn't go exactly the way they were thinking or wanting. And you just like, from the very moment that you become a parent, you have to roll with it, you have to be flexible. And then on top of that, you learn that you have this inner strength that you never knew before. Because there is nothing like that experience of giving birth. So I feel like that, you know, for for parents who gave birth, and that was their start to their parenthood journey that I feel like, just throws you into this automatically, and you learn that you have this strength. And then just from that point forward, you have to continue to tap into it until like, be aware of it and just get stronger from there.

"Hey Shayla": 48:44

Absolutely. And, and going with that my sister was a single mom in the beginning. And I came home from traveling to live with her for three months. And I did not wake up in the middle of the night to feed her baby. And I remember just being absolutely exhausted when the baby would cry. And just like in awe of her when she would wake up and like, go get the baby and feed him. And I was like, Are you so tired? And she's like, who else is going to do this? If I don't do this like this? I'm tired. But like, this is what we I mean, this is what you have to do. And I was just like, whoa...

Katie Kurpanek: 49:17

Hahha

"Hey Shayla": 49:18

And I feel like I was the dad in that moment because I learned that biologically moms have that innate, oh, the babies, I hear the baby where the other partner literally does not. So if your partner's not waking up. It's by design. It's better to have one tired person than two tired people. And so I have a friend who they co sleep they breastfeed they do all that she had to do overnights as a nurse, and she's like, my husband's not gonna wake up. Guess what he sure did. He knew that he was the caretaker that night and he was waking up to that baby. But if mom is there or like the nighttime caretaker, whichever one it is, that's the, same sex couples have the same thing where One of them has that wake up and the other one has the sleep. And so it's just, it's just so interesting to me. But I think that that is really important to know. Because sometimes you're like, doesn't, how does he not hear? How does he sleep through this? Like, well, yes, it's frustrating, but it's also by design. Oh, that's the other thing. I think that there's a lot for like the new mom thing. I think that there's a lot of pressure to have our babies be independent. And and that comes through in our anxiety, when we're like, why aren't they sleeping? Why do they need me all the time? Why are they crying at my feet? Why are they? Like, no, no, your baby needs you. And like, nine months in, nine months on, nine months near, and that is like, what they need. They need that foundation to know that they are supported and like the less annoyed with you. Them, the less you are annoyed with them, the easier it gets. So if you pick up your baby, you're like, oh my gosh, why are you crying? Like, obviously, that happens. But if you pick up your baby like that day, why are you crying? Come here, let me hold you, you need me. And when that happens, as they will do that she will just oh my gosh, like I'm like I've made what do you need. And then as soon as I do that, because I will do that. It triggers me and I go, she needs me. She probably is tired. She needs a nap. I need to stop doing the dishes or running around and just like, come back down, ground myself a bit and be like, Oh, you're trying to get my attention because you need something because for the past three hours you've been playing, and you've been just fine. But now, yeah, you need me. Let's go take a nap. Yeah, let's go breastfeed and connect like, or let's just go snuggle. Like, I hear you. And so I think a lot of times parents wonder why their kids aren't more independent. And it's the children is not the problem, the culture is that your kids need you. And that's very much okay.

Katie Kurpanek: 51:57

Yeah, I had never heard that phrase like the nine months in, nine months on, and nine months near. But that makes so much sense that like resonates with my experience. And yeah, I think that's so important. What, what, okay, so I have this question, but I think I can tie it into like, sort of wrapping up this episode. I always ask my guest speakers like what are, you know, 1-3 tangible steps to fill in the blank, whatever we're talking about. So I think that this is like the perfect way to wrap this up. What would you suggest be 1-3 tangible steps that listeners could take to keep themselves grounded or support themselves in that like exactly what you're just describing right now. Because it is not easy to just in the moment, like, give up whatever it is that you're doing, and just be with your child sometimes. So what do you feel like are very accessible things, no matter where our listeners might be tuning in from that, that they could do that keeps them grounded or gives them like this sustainable balance in their life maybe?

"Hey Shayla": 53:02

the first thing that I would say is, get off your phone. I have found that to be life changing. And I go in flow. So this to me is not. It's moderately sustainable for me, because I want to be all or nothing where I'm like, I'm not using my phone ever again. And then I need to, like, do a grocery pickup or something, or I want to know what time it is. But for me, it's like the scrolling on Instagram. And it literally, we talk about kids screen time. Our screen time needs to be in check a lot of time too, because we're exhausted. And so what can we do to like numb, we can scroll on Instagram real quick. But usually that causes more anxiety, there's too much fast moving things. There's too much things that we're not doing that everyone else is doing. Like I've learned by following people that I want. I'm like, she just lives the coolest life. And then I'm like, wait a minute, I don't want to hike a mile into the wilderness in the wintertime to get to my sauna. I actually did not. I would not enjoy that at all. But she makes it look the coolest. But I don't want to do that. So just I think I think checking your own screentime whatever that is. So for me, it's scrolling on Instagram. I don't care if I have Spotify on or if I whatever, but just the Doom scrolling. Just takes time away from your kids. It takes you out of your reality. Where if you can just sit on the floor and like make eye contact with them. That usually Maybe that's my second tip is like, do that if you're feeling overwhelmed if you're like, what do we need for the next seven hours before you go to sleep? Go sit on the floor with your kid and look them in the face and just be like, Do you need a hug? Are you hungry? I need a hug. Can I have a hug? Do you want to play with your trains? or just like there's RIE parenting. I don't know what it stands for RIE. But it's basically just like observe your kids without intervention. Just watch what they do. And you're not ignoring them by not playing with them. You're literally just watching their experience. And so to see them like watch a ball roll away or like, see the shadows on the wall, like, I'm usually looking at my phone not looking at you look at shadows, but it's so fascinating when you can, like experience, try and experience what they're experiencing. It's really kind of a cool thing. So those are two very grounding things. And then just like identifying your triggers of, for me, it's sleep. I can usually be good with like, no sleep for a couple days, but when I start hitting like three, four, I'm like, okay, phone needs to go back into the kitchen. Or I don't have it on my bedside because there's always like something else. I'm gonna look at Zillow houses now I'm not even gonna look for houses and then I'm gonna Pinterest. I do want to do something in the backyard. What are some ideas for like, just like pointless stuff that you need your sleep so or like the baby when they're crawling at you and having that, like, you're responsive? Like, what do you need and your skin is crawling? That is your trigger. That's that's the the tip off where you go. Okay. Okay, this is not the mom I want to be this is not. And that's okay, that that just happened. Not going to be moving on. Now what now? How are we going to like, reconnect and and just, thing number four, Because you asked for three,

Katie Kurpanek: 56:20

as many as you want to give.

"Hey Shayla": 56:21

This will be the last one. I really do think it's important to turn off your phone, like I said, and then start going internal. And deciding what does what do I want my days to feel like? I don't need a checklist of like, I want to make sure I do that isn't my why do I want my days to feel calm and organized? How can I make that happen? Do I need to just take five minutes to clean up at the end of the night? Or during dinner time or whatever? What do I need to give them 15 minutes before we do bath time on the TV so that I can clean the house so that once they're asleep? I go that was worth it? Like so get internal. Think about how you want things to be and then real ways to make that happen.

Katie Kurpanek: 57:09

Yeah,

"Hey Shayla": 57:09

boom!

Katie Kurpanek: 57:10

You did it. Yeah, no, I really. I love all of those. They, I think those are very, very important. And anytime I have tried to do any one of those things in my own life, it has made like a drastic difference in my parenting and like my interactions with my son. And I feel like a, you know, the mom that I want to be who

"Hey Shayla": 57:34

Oh I love that, I saw you I saw you almost say better mom. Yeah. And then you changed it to mom I want to be, I like that. That's important,

Katie Kurpanek: 57:42

Thank you, I'm trying so hard to be aware of my language around that these days. And like, just catch myself. So thank you. Yeah, yeah, I think this was so wonderful. I had no idea really what kind of conversation we were going to have. But I'm so happy helped me to like guide the direction of it. And I feel like sustainable parenting is so many different things, so many different facets. So I'm so thankful for what you shared today. And then anybody who wants to follow you for a lot of like, you know, like really eco friendly things to all that crunchy stuff we talked about in the beginning like Shayla's YouTube channel, Instagram podcast, all of it is under Hey Shayla. And there are so many wonderful topics to dive into, like just years worth of stuff that has really helped guide me into motherhood and even the quick little poll I put on my Instagram like just before this interview already so many people are like, Oh, I love Hey Shayla!

"Hey Shayla": 58:40

Oh my God, that's fun.

Katie Kurpanek: 58:41

Yeah, so like, anyone who hasn't tuned in needs to do that. Now. Just putting that out there.

"Hey Shayla": 58:46

Well, and like I mean, you get eco friendly, You get parenthood, but like the video I posted yesterday was sex after two kids.

Katie Kurpanek: 58:53

Yes. Yeah. So there's that too. Real life.

"Hey Shayla": 59:02

Yes, it's a, yeah, Wild Wild Card.

Katie Kurpanek: 59:06

Thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed today's episode, and if you did, I would love it if you would share it with a friend. Spread the word over your social media, or simply leave a review wherever you subscribe to this podcast to help others find it as well. Thank you so much for being here. I'll catch you next time.